Telling a little white lie or taking something without permission seems like a small thing. Lying and stealing aren't good things, but they won't hurt you, right? Wrong. Eating until you make yourself sick is uncomfortable, but it's not really that big a deal, right? Wrong again.
These are all examples of self-destructive behaviors, and they can hurt you and a lot of other people in a lot of ways. Self-destructive behavior can affect your body and your mind. It can also affect your family and friends. And things that seem minor now could affect the rest of your life if they are left unchecked.
Why do you do self-destructive things?
Feelings and emotions are very powerful. You can feel stressed and powerless when you're hit by emotions full force—your boyfriend dumps you, your parents are getting a divorce, you failed a class, or you're lonely.
Self-destructive behavior can make you feel like you're in control when the rest of your life seems out of control. It can also distract you from what you're feeling by focusing your attention and emotions on something else.
Do I have self-destructive behavior?
Stealing
Taking something that doesn't belong to you is always wrong, whether it's from a store, a friend, or your family.
You may think that the store will never miss it or that it's money that your parents should have given you anyway. Maybe a friend dared you to do it, or you got a thrill by not being caught.
With today's security technology, there's a very good chance that you will eventually get caught. Getting caught is really embarrassing and the chances of getting off with just a warning aren't very good. As you get older, this self-destructive behavior can include a big fine or jail.
Even if you're never caught, there still will be a price to pay. Is it worth it to steal a sweater that you can never wear because you can't explain where you got it? What about the person or business that you stole from? Your self-destructive behavior is a violation of their well-being and may cause them added emotional and/or financial stress. There will always be a price to pay.
Lying
Everyone tells little white lies from time to time. You may do it to spare your friend's feelings about her unflattering new outfit. A small lie can seem harmless. But what about lying to your parents to stay out of trouble? What about lying to impress your friends? When lying starts, trouble usually begins. And things can get really complicated once you start trying to keep track of what you said and to whom.
Getting caught in a lie is the fastest way to lose people's trust. And those same people that you fought so hard to influence with your lies, may never look at you the same way again. Is this self-destructive behavior worth it?
Stuffing Yourself
You tell yourself that you just like chocolate chip cookies or ice cream, and there's nothing wrong with that—millions of people like these things.
The problem is when you eat the entire bag of cookies and the whole quart of ice cream to keep from dealing with what's happening in your life. This is self-destructive behavior. You literally stuff down your feelings with food. Compulsive eaters know that they can count on food—it won't let them down.
Overeating can seriously affect your health. There's the risk of diabetes and heart disease even in young people. Some overeaters purge (by throwing up, for example), leading to other medical problems.
Overeating also can lead to weight gain, which can affect self image and lead to more bad feelings which can lead to more eating. Self-destructive behavior can quickly become a dangerous and unhealthy cycle.
Self-Mutilation
Self-mutilation can include cutting into your skin with razors, knives, or paperclips; or obsessively picking at your face or pulling your hair.
People injure themselves on purpose for various reasons. Sometimes it's a self-destructive behavior to punish yourself or it substitutes pain on the outside for the pain you feel inside. Other times it's a way of venting anger or communicating to the world that something is wrong without using words (a cry for help).
Injuring yourself is very dangerous physically and mentally. Cutting your skin exposes you to the risk of serious infections and permanent scarring. Punishing yourself means that mentally you can't handle what's going on in your life, and you need help to deal with it.
Smoking
There is no reason to smoke.
Smoking is not cool and doesn't make you more attractive. In fact, it does just the opposite; it causes yellow teeth, yellow fingernails, bad breath, and wrinkles.
Smoking is one of the worst things that you can do to your body. It's an addiction that's hard to stop, and it can have serious short- and long-term health risks, like cancer.
Justifying Your Actions
You may tell yourself that you don't have a problem, that you deserve a treat, or that you can stop what you're doing at any time. Telling yourself these things will keep you from getting help and this is self-destructive behavior.
Be honest with yourself. Are you very overweight? Have your friends told you have a problem? Are you really unhappy and don't know how to stop? You know the answers.
Getting help for your problems may seem scary. But continuing your self-destructive behavior is scarier. It's frightening to be out of control.
By learning to deal with your problems instead of doing something bad, you'll feel better about yourself, stay out of trouble, and improve your health.
Where to Get Help
You shouldn't feel ashamed if you have a problem or engage in self-destructive behavior. You should be proud of yourself for realizing that you need help and asking for it.
Talk to your parents, a school counselor, or other trusted adult. You probably won't get in trouble if you tell them you have a problem and need help. (You may get into trouble if you get caught).
An adult will be able to help you decide if this is something that you can stop on your own with their help or if you're going to need professional help.
The sooner you get help, the sooner you'll start to feel good again.
