Finally—you met a guy you're pretty sure you'll remember for the rest of your life. No longer are you shy and self-conscious. You've gotten over the awkwardness of asking him questions about himself. You're both comfortable sharing your hopes, fears, and dreams and are reveling in the enjoyment of just feeling close. The two of you feel lucky to have found each other. You can't help wondering: is he the one?
What should you look for in a serious boyfriend? What differentiates him from the pack? Well, qualities like honesty, intelligence, compassion, and kindness are right up there. By all means, he should be a good listener and be willing to share his feelings. Yet apart from this list of essentials, what you look for in a serious boyfriend depends on your own unique personality and interests. It might be important that he share your love of movies...or dogs...or skiing. Or, if you are especially outgoing, is he the one who is quiet and reserved who wins your heart?
There are some situations however, which will reveal character traits that are crucial for your future happiness. These will be times when his true nature will show you what he's made of. Use these times to help you determine the answer for the question of "is he the one?" Be super aware the next time...
- You go to a restaurant. How does he treat the waitress, the cashier, and the parking attendant? Is he the one that is respectful or are they invisible to him? If he takes them for granted, that might be you in a few months.
- You get into his car. Is he the one who walks to the passenger side and opens your door first...at least at the beginning? Then it's your turn to lean over and unlock his door.
- The subject of an ex-girlfriend comes up. This might be coming attractions of how he will one day talk about you. If he tells you her most intimate secret, or you think he still has feelings for her—it's worth some serious consideration. Is he the one who refuses to discuss her? That may not be such a bad thing.
- He mentions his mother. Enough said.
- Is he the one who gets really angry? No matter what the reason, if he has an explosive temper, becomes physical, or talks to you in a degrading or abusive manner, reevaluate your commitment.
- He wants to have sex and you're either not ready or not in the mood.
If you hear any of the following, consider yourself warned and reconsider your thoughts on "is he the one" questions.
- You would if you really loved me.
- I'm so turned on that it'll do me permanent damage if I don't come.
- If you don't do it, I know someone else who will.
- We're the only couple I know who haven't had sex.
- Having sex will strengthen our relationship.
- Let's just lie down together.
