SHOULD I BE HONEST?
"Honesty is the best policy." Blah, blah, blah. You've heard the mantra from parents, teachers, or relatives so many times that by now it seems so...well, old-fashioned. After all, from what you can see, lying doesn't seem to be too bad: politicians do it all the time. You've embellished a story or two, and no one's ever been the wiser. And you're certainly not going to tell your best friend she looks ridiculous after she bleaches her hair, and it comes out orange. She'd hate you.
There are, of course, different levels of dishonesty. It's okay not to tell the truth a hundred percent of the time. For example, you can tell your friend she looks nice even if you don't think so—if you're both on your way to the prom. But for more serious issues, you're asking for trouble if you toss out fabrications here, there, and everywhere. Even if the lies you tell seem to work out most of the time, it's the one time when you're utterly busted that you'll realize it's not worth it. Take President Clinton: he lied about having "sexual relations with that woman," Monica Lewinsky, and later had to apologize to the entire nation on TV! This is obviously the most extreme example, but there are many seemingly harmless situations where the lie you tell could come back to bite you in the...well, you know.
The President lied so people wouldn't think badly of him, a scenario that happens all the time. Like say you get an E-vite to a friend's party, but that same day your cousin calls and offers an extra ticket to a Coldplay concert for the same night. You really want to go to the concert. So you avoid your friend, and then Monday when she asks you why you didn't come on Friday night, you tell her you never got the invitation. The problem: turns out she attached "Read Receipt" on her email so she knows you opened it. Then later she finds out from a friend-of-a-friend that you went to the concert. Now she's really mad. You didn't want your friend not to like you, so you lied to make her think it wasn't your fault that you didn't go to her party. But now, she thinks way worse of you than if you told her the truth in the first place. And that's the last time you'll ever get an invitation from her.
Let's face it: it would've been HARD to tell your friend the truth, knowing that she would've been disappointed. That's where "finesse" comes in. Finessing is when you tell the truth, but doit in a way that will hurt someone's feelings as little as possible. In this situation, you pull her aside and tell her you've got these tickets and that you've been DYING to see the band. But let her know that you feel really badly that you're missing the party,and that you'd like to take her out to lunch or the movies to make it up to her. That way, she may be disappointed and she might even give you the cold shoulder that day, but most likely she'll respect you for being honest and realize that you respect her enough to tell her the truth.
There's also the type of lying when you make up a story to a stranger to fool them. If they buy it, it's hilarious, right? They're such idiots and you're so clever! Take Casey, who was out walking around an outdoor mall with her friends one night in July. A couple of older guys came up and asked for directions. Casey obliged and proceeded to tell them the totally WRONG way to go, just for fun. The guys said thanks and started to walk away, but then heard Casey and her friends laughing and turned around. They figured out they'd been duped, and one of them got really mad. He went up to Casey and screamed at her, "You think you're so smart, you stupid b&^%*?!," and he looked like he might hit her. Casey and her friends got really scared. He eventually went away, but afterwards, shaken up, they just wanted to go home. The whole incident ruined their night.
It can be fun to "put one over on someone." It makes you feel smart that you can so easily fool and manipulate them. It gives you a rush if you get away with it. But as Casey discovered, it's usually not worth the risk. You never know who you're dealing with, and if you cross the wrong person you could end up in trouble.
Telling the truth usually isn't the easiest choice. You're exposing yourself, which makes you feel naked and out of control. You're afraid that if people can see the "real you," maybe they won't like you. Or, like Casey, it may seem boring to always tell the truth. But your friends are never going to trust you if you lie to them or they see you frequently lying to strangers just for kicks. Trust is the basis of all close relationships. If you stay honest, you stay close, you stay true to others and true to yourself
