"My Mom's My BFF"
Despite the “F” for “Forever,” BFFs come and go. Your BF one year can become your “WE” (worst enemy) quick as you can say “I’m so outta here”. You can have a major fight with your mom, though, and she’ll still cook you breakfast or at least care enough to tell you what to wear the next day. When you have a good relationship with your mom, you have a friend for life. When you don’t, growing up gets a lot more stressful than it needs to be.
As you get older and more independent, you start making important choices for yourself. Choices about sex—what you do, when you do it, and with whom—are some of the toughest dilemmas you’ll face during these years. Deciding to be sexually active and preventing unwanted pregnancies and STDs is a pretty huge task to take on by yourself. The good news is you don’t have to make these decisions or do all the research on your own. That’s where mom comes in. Underneath all that "uncomfortable, change-the-subject when it comes to the sex talk" mom, you’ll find no one who cares more about protecting you and knows more about making smart decisions with your best interests in mind.
Let’s talk about sex:
The hardest conversation you’ll have with your mom about sex is probably the first one. Bringing it up makes her realize you’re not a little kid anymore, and mom may not be completely prepared for the big talk. One way to ease into the conversation is to start early. As soon as you have questions, however small or embarrassing, start asking. Bring it up casually, while you’re washing dishes or in the car on the way to school. If you’re too uncomfortable to ask in person, write it in a note. That gives your mom a heads up and it lets her be the one to start the conversation instead of you.
The best thing about building a good relationship with mom is that when it comes to solving problems, she’s so “been there done that.” Your issues may be different from the ones she faced growing up, but she does have more dilemmas under her belt, and that gives her a great point of view. Whether or not you get along with your mom now, she’s in it for the long term and she does have your best interests at heart, even if it doesn’t always seem like it.
How to build a good relationship with your mom:
- Do things together. Find something you both like to do and make time to do it together. Avoid pushing each other’s buttons, though. If you disagree over fashion choices, don’t make shopping your buddy activity.
- When you disagree with your mom, don’t be a hothead. If you’re getting steamed up, check yourself. Take a moment. Count to ten. Count to fifty if you have to, but don’t yell, storm out, or throw a tantrum. Tell your mom calmly how you feel without whining. Tell her why you disagree and try to think of a compromise you can come to.
- Chat. Talk about the weather, your favorite TV show, or something funny that happened at school. Ask your mom questions about her day, her plans, or what school was like when she was a kid. Treat her like a new friend you want to get to know.
- If you have questions about sex or sexuality, don’t wait for a big important sit-down conversation. Bring it up when you’re just hanging out, as though you’re talking with a friend at school.
- Eat together. Having meals isn’t just about feeding your body. It’s a great time to talk, bond, and share experiences. Even if you both have busy schedules, set aside time at breakfast, dinner, or even a late-night snack to sit together and share a meal.
You’ll find after a few uncomfortable starts that talking with your mom isn’t as hard as it seems. Seeing things through the eyes of someone older and wiser can really help put things in perspective and help you make the choices that are right for you. You may not agree with everything she says, but she’s speaking with a heart full of love and concern for you, and that’s a good place to come from.
Info from BeingGirl.com
