Standing Up For Number One
How far would you go to have others think you were cool? Have a beer? Lie about a curfew? Laugh at a racial slur? What would you do to avoid being laughed at? Try pot? Steal from the supermarket? Play a cruel practical joke on a teacher? To follow the pack, would you take risks and behave in ways you'd be mortified if your grandma found out?You've heard the term since third grade...peer pressure. Before you knew exactly what it meant, you knew it was some force that had a profound impact on your physical and emotional well-being. Current headlines blame it for everything from school shootings to belly button rings. Peer pressure, the influence that your "friends" exert on you, whether in words of encouragement or criticism or persuasion, or in appearance by way of hair, makeup and clothes, is never more powerful than during adolescence.
Psychologists have different theories about why this is so. One says that acceptance by your friends satisfies a need to belong. Another says that life is simply easier when we act like everyone else. No doubt conforming is not as difficult as being different. Or it might be that teens tend to see themselves as they think others see them, so they change to conform to others' expectations. Whatever the reason, when it comes to activities (if not values), kids care more about what their friends think than anyone else.
Not all peer pressure is negative. The people you hang out with shape your personality. Girls who have a supportive network of friends are less likely to suffer from depression. You and your friends are likely to have lots in common when it comes to healthy habits. If your friends play sports, eat right, do well in school or are involved in community service, chances are so will you. If none of them smoke or do drugs, chances are neither will you.
Yet even for the strongest teens, there are times "in your face" peer pressure can force you to consider risky behavior. More than 70% of girls in a recent survey answered that they saw cliques members act mean toward outsiders. Forty percent revealed they themselves had experienced clique cruelty. Whether you're tempted (come on, it'll be fun...we'll never get caught), taunted (What's the matter, your mommy say you couldn't go?), or threatened (If you were really our friend you'd come with us), there are ways to handle the pressure.
- Ask a lot of questions. The answers will not only help you determine the risk and put the other person on the defensive, they will put you in a position of power.
- Practice saying no. Then when you have to say it, you won't mumble. The more certain you are of your no, the less people will bother you.
- If you're threatened, argue that real friends don't use pressure to make you do something you don't want to do.
- Get away from the pressure zone. If you know what's going to happen (a conversation bad mouthing a friend of yours, an invitation to a place you're not comfortable going to), make a quick exit and make sure you have other plans.
- Find a friend who shares your values to back you up. You're not anyone's clone.
- Try to get the leader of the pack alone...then explain how you're feeling and let her know you'd appreciate her backing off.
- Think of the consequences of giving in. Getting grounded. The police. Your conscience. Keep in mind, contrary to what they're saying everybody is not "doing it" (no matter what it is).
- Be your own best friend. In the long run saying no can make you more popular than saying yes. There is no feeling like standing up for yourself and learning to be your own person. True friends like you for who you are, not who they want you to be.
Info from BeingGirl.com
