Dealing With Feelings
Emotional rescue... How to handle and understand what you're going through
There's an old song called, "Don't Cry Out Loud?" It goes, "Just keep it inside. Learn how to hide your feelings."
That is stupid advice. By not feeling and expressing emotions, you can actually get physically sick. Everybody knows that holding back anger can contribute to headaches and even depression.
Feelings are emotions. They're reactions to events that go beyond a logical, intellectual response. Being able to identify your feelings is an important part of self-discovery. The clearer you are about what you're feeling and why, the healthier you will be - physically and mentally.
There are a few "big" emotions that a lot of others stem from: Love, hate, and fear. From love comes joy, happiness, gratitude, and optimism. From hate comes resentment, loathing, and low self-esteem. From fear comes anxiety and jealousy.
We all like the "happy" emotions. But not many people like dealing with the darker ones - fear, anxiety, disappointment, and shame. Because we don't like them, sometimes we squash them or deny them.
People do this in different ways - one way is with substances like booze, drugs, cigarettes, or even food. Maybe you'd light up a cigarette if you found out your boyfriend's cheating on you. Maybe you've seen a relative or parent reach for a drink when he or she got angry. Or maybe you've watched a friend with tears in her eyes insist, "I'm ok, really."
There's only one way to get to the other side of feelings, and that's to experience them. Here's the quick 1-2 on processing feelings:
- Identify - what are you actually feeling? Sometimes anger is disappointment in disguise, It "feels better" to yell and scream than it does to feel vulnerable when you've been hurt. See what's at the root of your feeling.
- Clarify - what are you having your feeling about? If you hate your math teacher because he gives you pop quizzes, maybe the root of it is fear of failure. We've all "snapped" at a sibling who ticked us off, only to realize later that we were actually angry about something our best friend said in class.
- Talk about it. It works. If you're angry about something your friend said or did - tell her. You'd be amazed how much it helps to say, "I'm really mad at you about....", or if you're really brave, you might say, "You hurt my feelings."
- Don't "act out." Just because you feel like ripping your boyfriend's leather jacket into shreds, you don't have to. You can't always control your feelings, but you can control your actions.
- Know that it will pass. Feelings come in waves. You know how sometimes you may feel a little down before your period? But you know it's PMS and it will pass. Teens especially can have all kinds of feelings and mood swings due to hormones. They pass, you live through it.
Get to know your feelings.
They'll lead you to getting to know yourself.
Info from BeingGirl.com
