Monday, February 20, 2012
Dating Abuse
Dating abuse might not be something that everybody talks about, but that doesn’t mean that it’s uncommon. Consider this:
Sometimes it can be difficult to recognize abuse for what it is. Relationships are full of powerful—and sometimes overwhelming—emotions and it can be tough to take a step back and evaluate the situation. You may not have a black eye, but that doesn’t mean your partner hasn’t been abusive to you. Dating abuse comes in a lot of different forms, and doesn’t always leave marks visible to the eye. So how can you tell if you (or a friend) are a victim of dating abuse? It might help to understand the issue a little better and know some of the warning signs.
People can experience several different types of abuse. These can include:
Not sure if you’re in an unhealthy relationship? Take a step back and ask yourself: Does your boyfriend or girlfriend...
Simply put, if your partner has said or done something that seemed like a red flag, it probably was. It could become, or may already be, abusive and it’s time to put a stop to it. Keep reading for tips on how to get help.
If you or someone you know is a victim of abuse, seek help. You are not alone and there are places you can turn to for help. Talk to your parents, a teacher, or another adult you can trust. You can also contact the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline at 1-866-331-9474 (1-866-331-8453 for the hearing impaired) or online atwww.loveisrespect.org. They offer help 24/7 immediate, confidential assistance where you can find support as well as referrals to local resources in your hometown to provide you with the help that you need.
- 1 in 4 teen girls say they have been concerned about being physically hurt by their partner.
- 1 in 4 teens who have been in a serious relationship say that a boyfriend or girlfriend has tried to prevent them from spending time with friends or family; the same number have been pressured to only spend time with their partner.
- Half of teen girls who have experienced sexual pressure report they are afraid the relationship would end if they did not give in.
- Nearly 1 in 4 girls who have been in a relationship (23%) reported going further sexually than they wanted as a result of pressure.
People can experience several different types of abuse. These can include:
- Physical abuse: any intentional use of physical force meant to cause fear or injury, like hitting, shoving, biting, strangling, kicking, or using a weapon.
- Emotional abuse: non-physical behavior such as threats, insults, humiliation, intimidation, isolation, or stalking.
- Sexual abuse: any action that forces undesired sexual behavior on you by another person. This includes making you do anything you don’t want to do sexually, refusing to have safe sex, aggressively pressuring you to go further than you want to sexually, or making you feel badly about yourself sexually.
Not sure if you’re in an unhealthy relationship? Take a step back and ask yourself: Does your boyfriend or girlfriend...
- Pressure you to make the relationship very serious or have sex early in the relationship/ before you’re ready?
- Act jealous or possessive?
- Try to control where you go, what you wear, or what you do?
- Text or IM you constantly? Harass you online?
- Refuse to consider your point of view or desires?
- Keep you from talking to or spending time with close friends or family?
- Drink too much or use drugs and then blame the alcohol and drugs for his/her behavior
- Threaten to hurt you or themselves if you leave them?
Simply put, if your partner has said or done something that seemed like a red flag, it probably was. It could become, or may already be, abusive and it’s time to put a stop to it. Keep reading for tips on how to get help.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Saturday, February 18, 2012
SHOULD I BE HONEST?
"Honesty is the best policy." Blah, blah, blah. You've heard the mantra from parents, teachers, or relatives so many times that by now it seems so...well, old-fashioned. After all, from what you can see, lying doesn't seem to be too bad: politicians do it all the time. You've embellished a story or two, and no one's ever been the wiser. And you're certainly not going to tell your best friend she looks ridiculous after she bleaches her hair, and it comes out orange. She'd hate you.
There are, of course, different levels of dishonesty. It's okay not to tell the truth a hundred percent of the time. For example, you can tell your friend she looks nice even if you don't think so—if you're both on your way to the prom. But for more serious issues, you're asking for trouble if you toss out fabrications here, there, and everywhere. Even if the lies you tell seem to work out most of the time, it's the one time when you're utterly busted that you'll realize it's not worth it. Take President Clinton: he lied about having "sexual relations with that woman," Monica Lewinsky, and later had to apologize to the entire nation on TV! This is obviously the most extreme example, but there are many seemingly harmless situations where the lie you tell could come back to bite you in the...well, you know.
The President lied so people wouldn't think badly of him, a scenario that happens all the time. Like say you get an E-vite to a friend's party, but that same day your cousin calls and offers an extra ticket to a Coldplay concert for the same night. You really want to go to the concert. So you avoid your friend, and then Monday when she asks you why you didn't come on Friday night, you tell her you never got the invitation. The problem: turns out she attached "Read Receipt" on her email so she knows you opened it. Then later she finds out from a friend-of-a-friend that you went to the concert. Now she's really mad. You didn't want your friend not to like you, so you lied to make her think it wasn't your fault that you didn't go to her party. But now, she thinks way worse of you than if you told her the truth in the first place. And that's the last time you'll ever get an invitation from her.
Let's face it: it would've been HARD to tell your friend the truth, knowing that she would've been disappointed. That's where "finesse" comes in. Finessing is when you tell the truth, but doit in a way that will hurt someone's feelings as little as possible. In this situation, you pull her aside and tell her you've got these tickets and that you've been DYING to see the band. But let her know that you feel really badly that you're missing the party,and that you'd like to take her out to lunch or the movies to make it up to her. That way, she may be disappointed and she might even give you the cold shoulder that day, but most likely she'll respect you for being honest and realize that you respect her enough to tell her the truth.
There's also the type of lying when you make up a story to a stranger to fool them. If they buy it, it's hilarious, right? They're such idiots and you're so clever! Take Casey, who was out walking around an outdoor mall with her friends one night in July. A couple of older guys came up and asked for directions. Casey obliged and proceeded to tell them the totally WRONG way to go, just for fun. The guys said thanks and started to walk away, but then heard Casey and her friends laughing and turned around. They figured out they'd been duped, and one of them got really mad. He went up to Casey and screamed at her, "You think you're so smart, you stupid b&^%*?!," and he looked like he might hit her. Casey and her friends got really scared. He eventually went away, but afterwards, shaken up, they just wanted to go home. The whole incident ruined their night.
It can be fun to "put one over on someone." It makes you feel smart that you can so easily fool and manipulate them. It gives you a rush if you get away with it. But as Casey discovered, it's usually not worth the risk. You never know who you're dealing with, and if you cross the wrong person you could end up in trouble.
Telling the truth usually isn't the easiest choice. You're exposing yourself, which makes you feel naked and out of control. You're afraid that if people can see the "real you," maybe they won't like you. Or, like Casey, it may seem boring to always tell the truth. But your friends are never going to trust you if you lie to them or they see you frequently lying to strangers just for kicks. Trust is the basis of all close relationships. If you stay honest, you stay close, you stay true to others and true to yourself
Monday, February 13, 2012
18 Things to Do For Valentine's Day
SINGLE LADIES EDITION !!
1. Make it a girl's day. Go out to lunch with your girlfriends, have a cup of coffee and chit-chat about boys, or do dinner with your other single gal pals. Valentine's Day shouldn't only be about couples - it should be about love of all kinds. And what better to celebrate than the love you have for your pals.
2. Organize a Secret Admirers Single Girl's gift session a' la Santa. Get a group of girls together and draw names out of a hat. Then deliver things like, chocolate, her fav movie, teddybears, or other special things that you know she'd like.
3. Forget what day it is. Hide the calendar, flip it to March, or just don't look. Valentine's Day is just like any other day. Just because Hallmark sells those cards with hearts on them for February 14, doesn't mean you have to participate.
4. Hang out with family. This seems to be a great retreat to any depressing occasion that you don't want to or can't partake in. Sitting on mom and dad's couch, for instance, will be so comforting. Top it off with a cup of cocoa and you'll just reminisce about the times you were young and could care less for Valentine's.
5. Have a party at your house! Invite your girls over for food, movies, music and dancing! Break out the karoke machine too- but to mix it up, suggest a theme for the party that everyone wear pink (or black if you've really caught the single awareness bug) and make a playlist with girl empowered songs!
6. Pig out. Go get your favorite snacks. Let yourself have all the things you usually feel guilty consuming, and this time, don't feel the least bit guilty.
7. Remember that being single is fabulous. Ahhh, it's the old age saying that single gals say to ourselves when we're home on Fridays dateless. But wait, being single IS fabulous! There's no lying there. Who wouldn't want the endless opportunities? The world is your oyster.
8. Make some cupcakes, cookies or a cake for yourself or for some girl friends.
9. Grab some single girl friends and go to dinner! Dress up all glamerous and go get something to eat. Don't hurry and tell all kinda guy stories that will make the table be all smiles, or make up a Valentines game and play for dessert!
1O. Since you aren't spending money on a guy, spend it on yourself. Treat yourself to a manicure, pedicure, or both!
11. Remind yourself that many couples are unhappy. Valentines, schmalentines - did you ever stop to think that a lot of these guys and girls out during the holiday may have lots of problems? Just because they're eating a meal together on February 14, doesn't mean they're happier than you. In fact, some are probably quite the opposite.
12. Eat some ice cream. No, it doesn't make you sad and pathetic. It makes you awesome because you can handle the sugar and you deserve it. And don't get some sugar-free sorbet. Get the really good stuff - cookies and cream, mint chocolate chip, or anything that your stomach is grabbing for!
13. Read countless fashion magazines and strategize for your spring wardrobe.
You can make Valentine's Day a productive one by planning what you're going to wear when spring hits. It's only a month or so away!
14. Enjoy yourself. No matter what you do on this day - or any day for that matter - always enjoy yourself. You may not have that "other half" that attached people have, but does that mean your life is any less fabulous? No way. To each their own, and love your life.
15. Read a great book or watch a romance movie. One of my favorite movies is Slumdog millionaire.. Another is, The Time Traveller's Wife.
16. Throw a slumber party. Go back to the time in your life where you and our friends would giggle about boys, not cry about them. On Valentine's Day, get together with your BFFs and have some fun. From playing silly games like Truth or Dare to making s'mores, this will prove to be more fun than an awkward date with a guy you're lukewarm for.
17. Eat chocolate. It has been known to cheer women up, which is why so many of them turn to it during times of turmoil. Indulge in a box of truffles or a yummy candy bar.
18. Spend the day celebrating True Love. Not that junk they try to tell you will make you feel better- the real thing should be celebrated every day. Go find a couple that have been married for a long time (think twenty, thirty years) and ask for stories of how they met and when they got married. It will make you smile.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Feeling Shy
If you are feeling shy, a really good way to get around this is to pretend not to be shy! I know it sounds kind of crazy, but this really does work. How do you do it? By practicing. Try it out with a close friend or someone in your family. Practice out loud what it is you might want to say to someone. When you get in a social situation, just go for it and try to participate. Remember, even the people you think are outgoing probably feel just as nervous as you do. The difference is, they put themselves out there anyway. It's okay to stumble over your words or make a mistake—everyone does. Just cut yourself a break and keep trying.
If you are not sure you want to jump right in, try just being involved in a conversation that is going on. Add as much as you feel comfortable. Why not start by smiling and saying,"Hi"? Most people you approach will probably be glad that you did! Ask them about something that they are interested in or mention something that you have in common. The conversation will probably go fine from there. It is also easier to learn to talk with people if you get involved in an activity that interests you so that you work together on common goals and interests, and you'll have real things to talk about.
You can do it! (:
Flirting Tips.....
Flirting is a basic instinct. It is initiating contact and expressing interest in members of the opposite sex. The goal of flirting is to let the guy you want to get to know better that you find him interesting and attractive. Remember there are no “set in stone” rules for flirting. Here are few tips:
- You need to be confident! You know you are amazing, and you need him to get this message from you.
- Eyes are your most important asset when it comes to flirting. You must make eye contact. It isn’t a staring contest so remember not to stare! If he looks away and then looks back your way, chances are he is interested. A smile added to this is a great sign he likes your attention. If he looks away and doesn’t look back, then you can assume he probably isn’t interested.
- Don’t forget to smile! Guys love to see those beautiful teeth.
- Laugh, giggle—this shows you have a sense of humor and guys love this quality.
- Your body language is very important. Don’t stand around with your arms crossed because this says, “Don’t approach.” Instead relax and maybe put your hands in your pocket.
- When you have a conversation with him glance at his face when he is speaking and glance away when you are speaking. (Glance means brief.)
Okay, now you believe he may be interested, so you need to make your move if he hasn’t yet asked you for a dance. Confidently walk up and say, "Hi, would you like to dance?” Hopefully, you’ll get the response you want. Remember, even if you don’t chances are he is more nervous than you!
Either way let him make the next move!
Saturday, February 11, 2012
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