There’s a popular Thanksgiving tradition that takes place in many households where all your family members go around the table and says what they’re most thankful for.
There are the usual responses: “this family,” “the incredible food — thanks Cousin Emily!” “my good health,” “copious amounts of wine,” “the divorce…” You get the point.
But with all the crazy news that has been going on in the world to date, there’s plenty more to be grateful for than just some cranberry sauce and stuffing.
I mean, someone finally sent Anne Hathaway into outer space where she belongs! That is something to be extremely happy about!
Don’t be that person who holds everyone up with her stammering and hemming and hawing. We’re here to remind you of all the amazing things that humankind should be thankful for this year.
Because 2014 was surely a year of insane headlines (especially this summer!), we’re grateful we came out on the other side.
Here are all the things we’re genuinely thankful for in 2014. So when it comes time for your turn at the table, you’re welcome.
1. My nudes weren’t leaked.
2. I didn’t travel to West Africa.
3. ISIS is still in Syria and not Times Square.
4. I got 12 free drinks this year by swiping right.
5. Kim K didn’t actually break the Internet. Phew, or else work without Gchat would’ve been extremely difficult to get through.
6. Shonda Rhimes is still making #Scandal-ous shows, and giving me lady boners on cable TV.
7. My best friend still hasn’t gotten engaged yet. This one we’re extra grateful for, so we may even list it twice.
8. Driving to work instead of walking.
9. Our parents are still picking up our cell phone bills while strippers are picking up others…
10. Oreo churros. They’re a thing and, to be honest, we’re slightly more grateful for these than we are for the NYC Nutella bar.
11. Amanda Bynes has returned to us in the same state we left her: 100% certified crazy. Don’t go changing, Mandy.
12. I can put on jeans and a standard white tee and call it “normcore.”
13. Pumpkin spice has taken over the world. We’re nominating her to be the sixth member of the Spice Girls.
14. “Interstellar” finally sent Anne Hathaway into space where she belongs.
15. Twitter still allows female users to post topless photos even if Instagram doesn’t.
16. Sweatpants are making a luxury comeback, which is good because they’re all that fit me right now.
17. Your most recent period. Self-explanatory. Period.
18. Blake Lively’s pregnancy. Now she’s just like the rest of us fat people. Sort of. OK, not really, but we’re glad she knows what it’s like to at least feel bloated.
19. My sister isn’t the goddess Gigi Hadid. But now that I think about it… this means I don’t have her genetics, either.
20. Sriracha is still spicing up our lives and has yet to run out.
21. Rihanna is back on Instagram, fully-clothed not always included. The fashion world can resume once again.
22. “Gone Girl” lived up to the hype and even exceeded our expectations by flashing us a sneak-peek of Ben Affleck’s peen. Free full frontal in 2015!
23. Jay Z and Beyoncé are still together. Solange didn’t kill him first.
24. The latest must-have men’s accessories: beanies, beards and buns.
25. No one likes or listens to Justin Bieber anymore. We might actually have newfound hope for humanity.
26. Plus-size and average-size women are receiving more praise and positive recognition in the media.
27. Leggings are still in. Everyone, regardless of gender, is thankful for this, but Jen Selter’s butt is especially happy.
28. Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are servicing mankind by making the most beautiful baby on the planet. “It’s not a bad thing.”
29. Men are putting their dicks in socks to raise awareness for cancer. But also, men are putting their dicks in socks.
30. LC got married, proving even basic people have hope for finding The One.
31. Last Sunday’s Chinese food binge did not go directly to my ass, but instead the toilet.
32. Taylor Swift got significant meme coverage, and was an even more-awkward looking teenager than you!
33. Instagram added more filtering capabilities, so now we can stare at our phones for even longer and be even more deceitful on social media.
34. Fall lasted all the way until mid-November. This has got to be some kind of record in the history of 2010-2014.
35. “Pitch Perfect” is coming out with a sequel, so we’ll have a new movie to compulsively watch on HBOGO (and sing along to…).
36. The world is still managing to surprise us: A woman requested a third tit, people are paying to cuddle with a stranger and Anne Hathaway magically reappeared back to earth from space.
37. The entire Internet signed an agreement to no longer write in list form.
38. We’re just kidding.
39. They haven’t made a third “Sex and the City” movie… yet.
40. Lindsay Lohan‘s OWN reality show. She got torn apart by Oprah… again.
41. George Clooney proved he wasn’t gay after all. We’re giving up our hopes of marrying him a second time.
42. The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge erected 115 million dollars and a lot of cold, wet nipples.
43. America didn’t embarrass us at The World Cup. In fact, we put our best foot forward.
44. Snapchat still allows for screenshots.
45. Kim and Kanye got married. If Kim can wear white then so can we.
46. LeBron returned to Cleveland. If he can go home, so can Joe.
47. The iPhone 6 came out, and now we all can have a bigger bulge in our jeans.
48. Netflix added enough new shows so you never have to leave your apartment this winter.
49. Chris Martin is eating carbs again.
50. Nicki Minaj put ass-play back on the menu. We know what’s for dinner.
