"I'm done talking about being shy," says Amy. "If you've never walked in my shoes—not being able to make eye contact or express yourself when you know exactly what you want to say, then you can't possibly understand how horrible shyness really is."
"It's like being nervous times a thousand," explains Julie. "You could be in the middle of a big group, but there's this barrier that separates you from everyone else. People think you're snobby or unfriendly or bored. What you really are is so lonely, so self-conscious, so embarrassed that you never want to leave your room."
"I love it when my older sister says, 'Just get over it,' "like I'm not trying to every single day," adds Jessica. "I guess I'm just not that interesting. Dumb things fall out of my mouth. I can't blame everyone for not wanting to spend time with me."
Shy people have a tough time of it, made tougher by the fact that many things they believe about their problem are not true. Hopefully a little more knowledge will prove helpful, and you can lean how to overcome shyness.
1. No one feels like this.
Shyness is one of the most common human problems. Just poll your close friends and family members, and we bet you'll discover that most of them think they're shy now, or have been shy in the past.
2. I'm always going to feel this way.
A critical feature of shyness is a slowness to warm up. Shy people just need some more time to adjust to stressful situations, including everyday conversations and social gatherings. The good news is that shy people eventually achieve everything that everyone else does; they have boyfriends, marry, have successful careers, have children. It just takes them a little longer, once they learn how to overcome shyness.
3. Everyone's looking at me.
The truth is shy people believe they are always being evaluated by others. Because they're so focused on their own shortcomings, they don't look around to notice most people are just like
them doing the listening, not being the social butterflies.
4. I'll never have a boyfriend.
The No. 1 problem area for shy people is starting a relationship. Introductions and developing friendships—that's the hardest part. Once again, the good news is that as soon as you get into a relationship, shyness is no longer a barrier to becoming close and intimate.
5. It's my parent's fault.
Well, here you might be right, but not in the way you think. Although shyness is not caused by family experiences or overprotective or critical parents, it might be, in part, genetically determined, a part of your inheritance. That said, genes only set the stage, you get to write your life script and figure out how to overcome shyness. Seeing yourself as a victim of your genes might free blameless you from putting yourself down.
6. Thank God for the Internet.
The Internet would appear to be a shy person's best friend, limiting the allergic reaction they exhibit upon face-to-face contact. The problem is anonymity makes it easy to misrepresent yourself, and trust is the foundation of a social life. Too much time in front of the computer can be isolating—and won't help you figure out how to overcome shyness. And because you might feel more vulnerable to instant intimacy, shy people tend to reveal too much too fast.
7. How to overcome shyness
Shyness won't just go away, but it can be helped along. To figure out how to overcome shyness, you have to stop wallowing in your own insecurities and become more aware of the people around you. It is narcissistic to believe everyone is watching and judging you. Stop thinking about what you don't do well, whether it's telling a joke or making small talk. If you listen, you'll see no one else is spewing perfection. Arrive early to get comfortable in a new surrounding. Stop focusing on how nervous you feel and focus on the other person, making them comfortable, helping them tell their story and share their feelings with you. Prepare things to say in advance. Polish your opinions.
The task is not to change who you are, just some of the ways you think. There is nothing wrong with being shy. In fact, maybe this highly-pressured world of competition to be the most successful, most beautiful, most impressive, would be better off if more of us were a just a bit shyer.
